Hey guys, what’s up? Hope everyone is having a productive week so far.
Sivan is back! I’m so excited to have this powerhouse back on The Skinny Confidential to talk about motherhood. Not only motherhood, but how to keep your life after having a baby. I need all the help I can get. If you missed Sivan’s last post where she shared her 5 favorite beauty tips, here’s a little backstory for ya:
Sivan Ayla is the blogger behind Lux Unfiltered. I first met Sivan at my The Skinny Confidential x Casetify party & immediately started following her on Instagram. After following her for the last couple years, I noticed that she’s a bright light & definitely an influencer to watch.
Personally, I like influencers who have a strong opinion & don’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks. Sivan embodies that. It’s been really fun to watch her & her husband become parents, & to watch her flourish as an influencer in this industry. ( Sidenote: she just launched a swim line called Tan Lines. It’s super cute & you guys should definitely check it out. )
You should also know that Sivan just launched a nail polish collab with NCLA called Take Me To Capri. & all the colors have super cute names like Lil Limoncello, Rose Spritz, & Peach Gelato. Stalk the whole collection here. I’m a big fan of Peach Gelato.
With that, let’s welcome back Sivan.
*Writing this post as I sit in my baby’s playroom watching Baby Shark on repeat*
Just thought I should preface what my life has become. Not to scare you, Lauryn, but your life is about to fucking EXPLODE!
Okay, so I got pregnant unexpectedly after 3 years of being OFF birth control. My whole experience getting pregnant is pretty wild & I go into all the dirty details in a blog post that you can have fun reading if you like talking about ovulation, periods, cervical fluids, blue vaginas, etc. etc. etc.
While it took me a while to get pregnant, my pregnancy was truly a breeze. I got very lucky – no real morning sickness, no pain, no complications, good health, which at the end of the day is all that matters.
I’m not going to lie, even before I got pregnant I was terrified of the idea of having a baby. Not the physical labor part, but the after-effects of adding the biggest responsibility you could possibly take on. Being self-employed, you’re already taking on so many roles that throwing in the prospect of caring for & raising another human being seemed downright impossible for me. I had zero strategy because I truly had zero clue how this would all go. Would I be so in love with my baby that my career no longer mattered? Will I hire a full-time nanny? Will my kid go to daycare? No fucking clue.
Fast forward to the day my daughter Capri arrived – I’m a changed person, I see life differently, never felt a love like this before, etc. etc. It’s all true, by the way. Unexplainable & unconditional love is a THING once you pop out a kid. And coming from me ( cold-hearted AF lol ) that says a lot! I was on Cloud 9 with my husband the first month. He was on paternity leave, we had a night nurse ( more on that in a sec ), baby was an angel, & my biggest priority was making sure we went on our afternoon walk. Life was simple & I enjoyed it, but come the second month I was ready to get back into things. Paul ( hubby ) went back to work, baby was on a great eating & sleeping schedule, & I was ready to face reality.
If you know me, you know I go from 0-100 very fast. The day I decided to “go back to work” I scheduled 2 events & a meeting for myself back-to-back all over the city. I packed my bag to pump my boobs along the way & I was ready to tackle the day. Except I forgot one minuscule little piece of shit part for my pump so I couldn’t pump…enter my first clogged duct. I had DDs that day ( if not bigger ), milk stains all over my dress from leaking, & I missed my baby terribly. I felt shitty & defeated & unprepared. It was around this time that I decided I needed a better [thought out] system for myself & the baby. Despite telling myself that I would just “bounce” right back into life, life slapped me with a nice dose of reality.
Even if you have the luxury of working from home I still urge you to find a schedule / system that works. It will ensure you’re being productive, efficient, & at ease knowing your baby is in good hands. Here is what I did to help myself ease back into work:
♡ Hire a night nurse
HUGE luxury. We’re talking $$$$ but I have to be honest & share that we had one for 6 weeks & it was the best money we’ve ever spent. Being well-rested, especially right after giving birth, was crucial. It made me a happier person for my baby & I could soundly sleep knowing my baby was in good hands. Ironically, my baby loved to sleep from Day 1 so I didn’t actually need the night nurse this long, but I was truly terrified of sleepless nights. I talk about Capri’s newborn sleep schedule here.
♡ Set working hours
I decided I needed help from 9 – 5 during the week to get my work done. Once 5PM rolls around I take over. I enjoy this part of the day because it involved our nightly routine – dinner, playtime, bath time,storytime, bed. Consistency & routine is EVERYTHING with babies.
♡ Don’t develop bad habits
If you never let it happen, the baby will not know it’s an option. Sometimes out of desperation we make poor choices but you end up paying for it in the long-run ( like I did here ). We are very strict about bedtime ( she only sleeps in her crib ), & in turn we get quality sleep every night. This ultimately just makes OUR lives easier.
♡ A SCHEDULE IS LIFE!
I know a lot of parents don’t agree, but Capri has been on a strict feeding & sleeping schedule since the day she was born & let me tell you, she operates like clockwork. I can anticipate her needs, which means she’s never crying & we don’t know why. She knows food is coming & before she can get over-tired she’s already in her crib. Yes, it forces you to live by your baby’s schedule, but I promise it will be worth it & it’s temporary. I talk more about scheduling in this post.
♡ Quality over quantity
Some people feel the mom guilt for working & I get it, but I never allowed myself to obsess over this. I’m working to provide for my family & there is nothing wrong with that. I personally feel that quality time versus quantity ( being with your baby all day ) is just as good. I carve out times during the week to take Capri to a 1-hour class & on the weekends it’s just us ( & my husband ). During the week she gets to enjoy other personalities & activities & I feel good about that.
♡ Ease into things
Give yourself the time & space away from work & when you’re ready, ease back in. I woke up one morning & decided to start again & I felt overwhelmed & stressed instantly by how behind I felt. Time-block some emails, take one meeting ( or event ), etc., you’ll find your flow, just don’t rush it.
♡ Ask for help
My Type A, control freak ass was NOT about to ask for help ( work-wise ). I had no issue asking for help with my baby, but my work was always MY thing & I didn’t want anyone coming near it with a 10-foot pole. But again, reality struck & I was begging for help. I thankfully found a team of people that now help me execute my visions & ideas & I feel SO much more in control ( ironically ). I know a lot of us feel ashamed to ask for help but honestly, who are we trying to impress?! Personally, I think it’s more impressive when you are on top of your shit, with your baby, feeling fabulous.
Lauryn, I cannot WAIT to see you dominate motherhood!! Sure, I had my baby first but you know I will be hitting you up for tips in no time. Let’s time-block some play dates though, yeah? My excitement for this baby is unreal.
You can find more tips on preparing for parenthood, baby items + diaper bag shit you NEED ( yes, you can still carry a designer ‘diaper bag’ ), the cutest baby clothing brands, pregnancy fitness, & tons tons tons more, you can find it all on my blog www.sivanayla.com.
Our babies are definitely going to be having some time-blocked play dates. LOL.
+ check out my pregnancy announcement here ( we kept it secret for 5 months ).
++ scope Sivan’s beauty secrets here.