9:05 am & SURPRISE !!!! I’m pregnant.
( Or as Michael would say: “we’re pregnant.” Ya right, man- you’re not carrying extra weight, hormones, & an indescribable desire for French sourdough toast ).
5 months to be exact. Ya, we kept it hidden for 5 months! We’ll get to why below.
OH AND YES, I’m surprised too !! LOL. Like so surprised I DIDN’T KNOW I WAS PREGNANT FOR 7 WEEKS.
7 weeks & clueless as shit- not one measly feeling of being pregnant. In fact, it was my sister who said: “YO YOU HAVEN’T GOTTEN YOUR PERIOD IN 2 MONTHS- YOU SHOULD TAKE A TEST.”
Well here’s the thing 1.) I have gone through spells where I have missed periods for months- my doctor said it was normal because of the birth control I just got off of 2.) I didn’t realize pregnancy had the potential to happen so quickly- like I thought it took a year or a year & half typically of having unprotected sex ( says the girl who has held like 2 babies in her life ). AND 3.) I took a pregnancy test after the first month I missed my period but HOT TIP: those ones with the lines are un-fucking-reliable. You gotta get the ones that say “PREGNANT, NOT PREGNANT.” I’m sure the line test was telling me I was pregnant but you can’t really tell- it’s kind of like an ex-loser boyfriend- they’re untrustworthy, irresponsible, & flighty. You know the type.
Anyway. Let me set the scene. So there I am in a tiny, hole in the wall restaurant with Michael for lunch. We are in good spirits because we are off to Cabo for a wedding tomorrow. I’m particularly thrilled to drink spicy ginger margaritas, lay around on the beach, & dive into my latest book ( by Rob Lowe- random, but it’s a must-read ). Per usual, I have 310498230 things in my purse & I spot the pregnancy test ( this one was the legit, good one ) that my sister slipped in my bag. I thought ‘what the hell, I will take one now.’ There I am scrolling through Instagram, mindlessly thinking nothing of it- and BAM.
THE TEST IN BRIGHT LIGHTS SCREAMS: pregnant.
‘Haha!’ I think, ‘this must be a faulty test !’
I mean there’s no way I’m pregnant- this wasn’t on my calendar you know? Like let me tell ya, it wasn’t in the immediate plan. Actually the plan was to have a ton of sex during our summer vacation & work on a baby there. Or maybe wait a year. Or two. There wasn’t a set plan really, I just know I wasn’t planning on being PREGNANT. TODAY. HERE. AT LUNCH. THE DAY BEFORE CABO.
But same old story, this is how life happens right?
“You want to make God laugh, tell him your plans!”
So I take 1 more.
PREGNANT, it screams back at me.
OK…I get it.
So I float back to the table unable to fully grasp what is happening & sit back down to lunch with Michael. There that motherfucker is, stuffing his face with arrabbiata penne pasta discussing the flight details for tomorrow’s vacay. I’m shell-shocked. So shocked I can’t even stomach the olive oil, lemon, artichoke salad in front of me- which is rare because this is my jam.
I tell Michael calmly I have to go back to the office & leave him with my salad, his pasta, & the bill.
He’s confused. But I like to confuse him sometimes, so he’s not surprised you know?
And there, in an UberX, I decide to not tell my husband.
That’s right not tell my husband until I have a plan.
I want to make it cute. I need to digest what’s just transpired & meanwhile cook up a scheme to tell him in a way that is special.
Not over artichoke salads. We gotta be more creative with it. So I’m simultaneously freaking the fuck out while planning how to tell Michael.
We take off the next day, massive tits & all ( AND I MEAN MASSIVE WATERMELONS ) & Michael is whistling Dixie, like ready for a Bloody Mary the second we get to the airport. I’m playing along, acting like I can’t wait to whoop it up like Vicki from Housewives in Mexico.
So we arrive in Cabo & it’s off to celebrate our friends, Robbie & Ashi. Throughout the festivities I ask for “vodka/soda with lemon” which is actually Pelligrino in a wine glass with lemon- no, no vodka for me. That night Michael is grabbing my boobs ( aggressively, I might add ) & I’m like ‘ahhhhhhh I need to tell him tomorrow.’
I secretly snuck over the 5 ( yes, 5 at this point) tests in my bag & I had an idea.
The next morning we woke up & he went to the gym. Then I went into massive action- my plan NEEDED TO WORK.
And because I want to bring you guys on the whole ride…I vlogged the whole thing. So tomorrow I’ll share PART 2 of how I told Michael. Like with video & all. So stay tuned.
In the meantime you should know we ultimately decided to keep it a secret for 5 months because we wanted the opportunity to ENJOY it with each other. Alone. We didn’t tell anyone. No family, nothing. Just kept it intimate between me, Michael, & the baby. And SURE, after month 4 it was hard to hide- the sweatsuit was getting tight you know. But we did! We kept it a secret.
It’s been hard but it’s also been special.
Yesterday we told our family & best friends. We hired a plane to fly over my dad & stepmom’s restaurant, ALCE 101, in Solana Beach telling everyone we were celebrating Michael’s mom’s birthday ( we did- trust me ! This was the gift she wanted, LOL ).
The plane was trailed by a huge-ass sign that said: BABY BOSSTICK 2020.
Michael’s mom nearly fainted. My dad cried. My stepmom said she kind of knew! Our friends & cousins were all excited to be aunts & uncles. And ultimately it was a really heartwarming night.
I took the weekend off social media but I will be sharing some snippets of the reveal on IG Stories today so if you want to see some BTS, head to @theskinnyconfidential on Instagram.
This was unexpected but we are excited.
I have never been super maternal- I don’t know if it has to do with the fact of losing my mom when I was 18 years old or if I’m just not maternal. Maybe I’ve just never tapped into the whole mom thing. Maybe it intimidates me? I don’t know. I never dreamed of having a baby when I was little but I couldn’t be more thrilled to have a tiny human that’s created with the love of my life. Michael is going to make the best father & it will be really rad to see him step into the role. Let’s hope I can make him proud because I don’t even know how to change a fucking diaper.
On that note, send me all your baby advice. I could use it.
Thank you as always for being on this journey with me for the last 10 years. I am so grateful.
Love you all, lauryn
P.S. so many more details to come tomorrow: how I told my husband, a vlog of the last 5 months, & specifics on what the pregnancy experience has been like thus far.